The Wild World of Conception

When I was just 19 I discovered I had become pregnant, very much by accident. I would soon become a college drop-out, and a married mother at 20. By 21 I was divorced, and the single mother of a 15-month old. I was scared shitless(for lack of a better word) through most of this time, but we made do.
Just before I turned 21, I met Phillip. He was also almost 21, we were both just children really. We both knew though, our lives would be spent together forever.....we would grow old together. What we didn't have was a plan. I had a home for us to live in-thanks to a very wonderful grandmother. We were both working.....this being how we met. We knew we had to make a future for our family, so I set out to find a full-time position that we could actually live on and Phil re-enrolled in college courses.
Tyler continued to grow, and we decided to marry when Tyler was nearly four. Phillip then legally adopted him a few months after our marriage. I continued to work, Phil cranked it out at school.
All of this, and we knew someday we would want more children, but we were sure we wanted it to be different. We wanted to "TRY" We wanted to be stable financially. We needed Phil to have a degree.
Well, you know, things became a bit rocky, and we spent a few months apart after five years together. This happens sometimes, and we have both learned and worked to resolve all of the issues that had become our marriage and life.
With a new nephew and a fresh outlook on our love and marriage....remember....we were just kids really when we met, and we had sort of taught each other how to live in an adult world, we decided it was time.
We would try to have a baby. This was December 2006. One time. We tried one freaking time. I had been looking so forward to planning with this baby, and it only took one time. We hit the conception jackpot. I had friends who had been trying for years.
These friends have spent a fortune, miscarried, some even have resolved that it is just not going to happen.
All was well until about the middle of week ten, the usual signs of miscarriage began to occur,and I was a mess. How could this happen? I was like some sort of text book, I did everything perfect. My amazing OB told us that is was just a random thing...one in five end in miscarriage.
I had to have the D&C and we had to try to get on with our lives. This sucked. Maternity clothes in the closet, baby purchases, the explaining to everyone, the run-ins while I would be drinking a beer and someone would actually ask me how I was feeling. I mean come on people, would I really drink a beer!
It was awful, and then we were told we had to wait three months to try again. The seemed like the longest three months of my life.
Finally, we were given the go ahead, and this time the first month wasn't so lucky. I know I shouldn't be complaining, but I did have high expectations.
Now we are waiting....it is month two, and Phil has forbidden me to take another test early(I took one the other day upon finding out that two of my best friends are expecting-I knew it was too early, but God, I want two pink lines).
So, we wait. I pray and pray, please Lord, give me a baby, let this be your will.
I feel guilty....so many women are trying and trying for their first.
I have an amazing son.....I am blessed to be a mother....to have been pregnant.
I don't want to try the crazy stuff that is out there to help speed this process along.....and as Phil says.....let's worry about the one we have now, and just see what happens.
I will always worry about the one I have, and wish for the one I don't.

SiCKO

Watch Sicko-Mike Moore rocks my world!
Thanks to an infected toenail and a miscarriage-we are insured and we are in debt! Stand up for your rights America-socialized insurance is not a scary thought-I am not afraid to no longer have medical debt-I am not afraid to undo years of reality for millions-what I am afraid of is being sick-and that sucks, cause sick happens!

Yes! Michigan.....

At around 7:30am on Saturday morning the Morgan's headed off on an adventure to the lovely Lake Michigan. We packed up the gas-guzzling Tahoe and hit the road. A one night stay in the Van Buren State Park about three miles south of South Haven, MI was on the agenda. After a short two hour ride-Phil is a maniac behind the wheel of any car-we arrived and payed the small fee(a hotel usually runs about $200-a-night) and chose a nice camping site near the beach path. The tent was up and we headed the short walk through a wooded path and across a parking lot, and TA-DA......glorious Lake Michigan.
My family didn't visit this grand lake while I was growing up....other than four years of hellish fun at X-Country camp at the Indiana Dunes State Park, visiting Michigan has always been my husband's happy haven. He visited nearly every summer(I grew up at Yellow Creek-small in comparison, but heaven to me) and began sharing this special place with me in 2002. My son is seven and had not visited in five years.
I wish I could explain the look on Ty's face......he was amazed. We swam, ate, told spooky stories(Ty and I did-Phil is not much for creative thought), we strolled through a lovely art fair(I bought a potter's bowl-I have a little problem with pottery), a blueberry farm and more food and we were headed home on Sunday! We are all feeling rejuvenated, reconnected, re-inspired!
Spend time taking adventures-don't be afraid of the unknown. Thank God for nature and for family.
Yes! Michigan was just what we needed!!

A way to vent.....

I am always looking for new ways to vent my energy and frustrations concerning so many different subjects. I "Myspace", I am often featured in many "Letters to the Editor" in my local newspaper, I talk constantly....this drives my husband nuts on occasion, so why not blog? My blog may be random at times-I can often rant and rave over a small article in the newspaper, or flip my lid after watching a Michael Moore film. I love having the chance to share and have others share with me.....so here it goes-hope everyone enjoys.....whether you agree with me or not!!